Dumbledore died a pretty long while ago
But his followers mourn to this day
A tragic event, we wish that he didn’t go
Then we later found out that he was gay
Well I was dicking around outside the castle grounds
And I found the beloved man’s grave
So to pay my respects I set some flowers out
And I water them in my own special way

I’m draining the lizard on a dead gay wizard
There’s a slight chance of rain for our headmaster today
I’m leaking the Schwartz upon the master of Hogwarts
And I’m pissing on Dumbledore’s grave

Dumbledore’s memory will be in our dreams
Well, we always knew that he was Number One
And though I’m washing those memories away in a stream
There are many good things that he’s done
If your day was a drought he’d always help you out
With a golden shine from within
He would come to your side at each catastro-pee
So you’re safe from the danger urine

I’m draining the lizard on a dead gay wizard
The chamber of secrets sprung a small leak today
I’m making an ocean with a magical potion
And I’m pissing on Dumbledore’s grave

This act I’m committing seems so perfect and fitting
And it feels so good to pour these feelings out
As he sits and decays I’m feeling pretty okay
Besides a shower’s one thing he’s gone too long without

From the land of the free to France where they say “oui, oui”
They say I’m doing something awful and wrong
But though a great flood of pee-ple might be pissed off at me
At least they’re not getting pissed on

I’m draining the lizard on a dead gay wizard
I’m speaking in Parseltongue to whip out the snake
I’m whizzing the wand to make a magical pond
And I’m pissing on Dumbledore’s grave

I’m draining the lizard on a dead gay wizard
I can hear Rowling bawling but I still won’t behave
I’m baptizing the phoenix using my full petrenis
And I’m pissing on Dumbledore’s grave

Everybody!
I’m draining the lizard on a dead gay wizard
It’s the first wand unleashed on him since his dying day
Though I’m merely a Muggle, I can summon a puddle

And incase you were pee-occupied and didn’t hear me…
I’m pissing on Dumbledore’s grave